10 steps to dating success on Expatdatingspain.com from admin's blog

Some people just breeze onto the site, put up a few pics, connect with their chosen one and 'bang' they're off, hand in hand into the sunset. But it isn't always that easy! It was 4 very long years before I got together with my partner for life and many of us know what it's like being alone for a long time.

 

First thing to realise is that it's not really dating, it's communication we need to think about. The dates come once you've opened up and got connected.

 Here's 10 simple steps to make connecting easier.

 

1. Photos are the key

 

Your profile photo is the fist thing anyone is going to see. Do yourself a huge favour and put up a good one. I don't mean you need to look like a film star, you need to look like you. It should be a reflection of who you are.

If you're a glam puss, show it off.

If you're a country lover, get your tweeds out.

If you're  sporty type, put your skis on.

What ever!

Go through your photo albums, pick out a clear photo of your self and put it up. If you are a bit unsure, ask someone, us if you like - we are always happy to help.

 

 

TIP - some camera photos are big files, over 5 MGs sometimes. Make life easy and screen shot your favourite photos, this reduces the size easily and they will upload much faster. If you are unsure how to screen shot, search google on 'how to take a screen shot' for your device. It is one of the easiest and most useful functions you will learn!

 

2.Your profile page - 'About me'

 

What interests you? What do you like to read about people you are interested in?

 

Ask yourself these questions and then think about the answers.

The answers are what you will write on your profile page.

 

Where do you live?

Why are you single?

Star sign - if it means something to you, put it up.

Languages?

Hobbies?

Location - Why are you where you are?

Are you a travel hound - so where are your favourite destinations?

Sporty - What do you enjoy?

Working - What do you do?

 

Mention all those that relate to you and then add some. If you have a great sense of humour, say so, tell a joke!

 

People who look at your profile page want to know about you, so do them a favour and help them out....

 

3. About the person I would like to meet

 

Well this is over to you!

Generally it is best to leave this to age range, interests and a friendly note, such as 'would love to find music lover to share a night at the opera', or I'm a great cook, fancy swapping recipes?'.

Try not to be overly ambitious. 'Energetic 69 year old seeking 20 something play bunny' isn't going to work. (Well maybe it will, but it rather narrows your choices!)

Be realistic here and above all - be positive. Negative will dampen your chances faster than anything else.

 

4. Keep your profile fresh

 

When you join and fill in your profile page, don't think 'well that's done with now'.

Every so often go back over your page and freshen it up. Add to it, edit it, change your profile pic sometimes.

Just do it when you feel like it, it's not a weekly chore. But it will make a difference because it adds another dimension of who you are.

 

5. Show who 'you' are

 

Your profile page is a bit like the front of your house. Make it look great because it really does reflect a lot about who you are.

 But there is more to you than that.

 

You have a sense of humour. Show it!

 

Write up a joke under 'what's happening', put up a funny photo on your wall, share your favourite books and films by recommending them, mention plays or concerts you've been to, with snaps of the event.

 

If you are artistic - upload pics of your at work, your beautiful garden, your landscape photos, your carefully crafted woodwork, your renovated house.

 

Whatever appeals to you, put it up. And keep on putting things up. Feed through photos, jokes, funnies, comments, whatever, when you are in the mood.

 

Let the real you emerge, show your different facets and treat it like the 'dance of the seven veils' - reveal yourself over time and have fun doing it.

 

6. K.I.S.S.

 

Getting in touch - how scary is that!!

Up till now it's all been putting your best foot forward. Now you've got to get connected - after all that's what it's really about.

Expatdatingfrance.com has been designed to keep it as easy as we can. It's also free to get connected. This gives you the chance to test things out and get in touch without having it costing you anything.

 

Start off with these free and simple steps.

 

Search

Bookmark

Follow

Hola

Fire off an emoticon

 

Search - can be as wide or narrow as you decide. Use quick search on Dashboard for a search by location.

Or - to see everyone, just put in your gender and the gender you are looking for and press 'search'. This brings up everyone of the chosen gender on the site. You will need to be patient though, there are hundreds to scroll through.

 

Bookmark - when you find one or more members you like the look of, bookmark them to easily find them again on your Dashboard page. You can bookmark someone by going onto their profile page, clicking on 'more' and then 'bookmark'.

 

Follow - follow those you admire. Every time they put up a photo, make a comment or refine their profile page, you will see it in your Newsfeed on your Dashboard page. They will not know you are following them unless you tell them.

Most people are being followed by someone, so give your fans something to see - put up photos, make comments and spruce up your profile page!

 

Say Hola - Hola is an ice breaker. A nice greeting to someone you like. They will receive a notification that you have said Bonjour. Once accepted, you will both be connected and once subscribed, you will both be able to chat and send and receive messages.

 

Send an emoticon - Emoticons are always free. You can send one to the person of your choice by going to their profile, clicking on 'more' and opting for 'send emoticon'. There are lots to choose from and we are always adding more. They are a great way to send a little note!

 

7. Communicating

 

And now for the exciting bit...talking to other people! Having checked everyone out and decided to make an approach, what to say?

 

Their profile is always a good starting point.

If you both love boats and hill walking you will already have things in common.

Pets, holiday destinations you've visited, where you grew up....all easy going, simple conversational points.

 

Having opened a conversation, don't think that you must indulge in witty banter or philosophy or the hot topics of the day. We're older and not much wiser. Second time around is different, now we've got baggage, children, debts and most of our conversations are with the dog.

So just be you, be honest about your life, don't be negative about things or other people or your ex; it's a major turn off. Just chat and let things roll gradually along. It's not a competition, no one minds and if someone does then it’s unlikely they're a good match for you anyway. Most people talk about their everyday lives and if not, then their views on life, love and the latest TV series.

It is fun to get to know someone new, treat it like that and it will flow much more easily.

And yes, we do charge for this - we are deeply sorry, but we have to eat! We are the cheapest  site in Spain, starting from only 5euro a month. We are the best value around, so take advantage and get the cheapest option for the longest time. It's economic, it's less stressful and gives you loads of time to find your dream.

 

8. Now what?

 

Well - are you ready to meet? In person? Really? Did you do all that stuff above already?

Brilliant!

Let me ask...did you skype or video chat?

It's important for many reasons and you'd be amazed how many people don't do it and get a major shock when they meet up first time.

 

 

I had such a fun time once, messaging and chatting with a great guy and he wanted to leap in the car for a 3 hour trip and come visit me within a week of starting to chat. I was all for it, but then said 'hang on a sec'!

 

We skyped and instantly both realised it wasn't going to work.

 

I don't know what it was, but that spark just wasn't there. We had a nice chat online and I had the old 'dinner in the oven' get-out cue. Then we both wrote to each other saying that we would be great friends but didn't think it would work out otherwise.

Sad - but you just got to say it like it is.

 

So try to keep balanced about this. Not everything is going to work out and sometimes you need to hold back and take a reality check. Make sure you video chat or skype first, it could save you a long trip and a difficult conversation.

 

9. First Encounters

 

OK, this is it!

You have done all of the above, you can't wait to meet, you feel like a teenager again and have spent days trying on outfits.

 

You're going on a first date!!

 

Distance should not matter. We managed to move all the way from our home countries to find our Spainish dream. Worrying about travelling across part of Spain to find someone to share that dream with should never deter you.

Distance need not be a problem, it can even add to the fun; the anticipated arrival after a long drive, a weekend stopover or meeting up in a cute hotel midway between the two of you. See it as a positive way to add spice and fun to your life.

 

 

You've probably got a favourite location in mind. We are so lucky that there are many lovely areas of Spain to visit, finding somewhere you can both easily get to shouldn't be too difficult.

 

Lunch is probably the easiest option, unless they live nearby, in which case take your pick. I met up with a nice guy in our local cafe and brought my friend along just in case. She sat in the corner reading a newspaper! It wasn't necessary, but it was funny. I had a great time, it came to nothing eventually but it was so exciting to have someone pay attention to me and go out exploring with.

 

The point is, it's not likely to happen straight away. You may be one of the lucky ones, but mostly it takes a lot of time. Enjoy the process, enjoy meeting new people, making friends, dressing up, exploring new places. Have fun.

 

It can be anxious if things don't go the way you want, but it is part of life, part of the journey we must all make. Having a relaxed attitude towards dating and meeting new people is what will make it work for you. Easy to say I know and we all risk a little heartbreak along the way. But the dream lies at the end of the journey and it truly does happen for so many people.

We don't know when, where or with whom - just be open to it and one day, everything will fall into place.

 

WORDS OF CAUTION

There are some things that also need to be said even though they mostly come under the heading of ‘the totally obvious’.

Apply common sense at ALL times. There are scammers and scoundrels on and off the net. If you met an interesting stranger in a bar you would proceed with caution. If you meet a stranger on the Internet proceed with the same caution, and then add some.

NEVER, NEVER, NEVER give money to strangers, no matter how wonderfully touching their tale of heroics and tragedy may be. If you have any problems or worries about this PLEASE DON’T DO IT. If someone is asking for money, tell a friend, talk it over and get a second opinion. If you want to write to us, please do, our reply will always be the same – DON’T DO IT.

We do monitor this site carefully, but it is impossible to guarantee we will find all the scammers and scoundrels, so beware and apply some simple common sense to any situation.

Think about the situation. Don’t do things you would warn others about. Don’t meet in dark, lonely locations, make sure someone knows where you are. Don’t give out your address, don’t go to someone’s house, don’t get in someone’s car.

Think SAFE and act accordingly.

I’m sorry if all this seems obvious and I’m sounding like a school teacher, but you’d be surprised what people do when caught up in all the excitement of a first date. Enjoy yourself, have a ball, but make sure these experiences are good and take appropriate precautions.

 

10. And finally...

 

This is a big country!

Make Spain seem smaller. If you are travelling the country get in touch with someone local from the site. They will know the local area and meeting for lunch, coffee or just a chat is a great way to break a journey. It won't take long to find friends all over Spain and sometimes friendship can turn to romance.

 

Take advantage of all the site has to offer.

Make friends, have fun with your profile, share your funny/interesting/silly/weird/prettiest photos.

Let yourself go a little and open up. Shine in your own lovely light!

Reach out, your next soul mate may be shy. Make it easy for them to find you.

NEVER give up. What do you have to lose in being on site. So your first encounter didn't work. Who cares, no-one's going to stop you achieving what you set your mind on. Just DO IT!

 

And when it has worked for you, please, please let me know. I will not share it with a soul unless you specifically state I can. But I would love to hear your story and wish you much good luck for the future.

 

If you have any issues you would like to discuss with us, or just a helping hand, please get in touch. We will do all we can, including checking out your profile to see if we can offer advice in any way.

 

We are always happy to help.


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